I had an outing today. Apparently it's not healthy to lie on the couch all day and stare at the carpet. Who knew? So my mom packed up the car with water bottles, and hot tea, and coupons, and me. She bundled us all up and sped us off to the social centre of suburbia. The mall. Where else can you watch the jungle that is people. There's the monkeys, teenage basic girl see, teenage basic girl do. The hippopotamus is a dangerous, territorial creature. They spend their day submerging their body in fats and grease, lest their skin should crack open. The flamingos, dancing around on spindle thin legs; you are what you eat, and that's nothing, which in this jungle, means that you're everything. I perch on the edge, binoculars of lined kohl, I am the birdwatcher. I try to mimic their calls. If I could only hollow out my bones the way that theirs are, maybe I could fly away too. But today the only thing that I hollow out is my mind. I eat myself into oblivion, because self destruction is my nature. When the day is done I take off my binoculars and wipe off the camouflage paint on my face. Staring back at the carpet, I scratch at the feather's I have carved into my hipbones, wishing they were more than two dimensional.
You are an absolute gorgeous writer. But you should be proud of you. When it is hard to go out and you push yourself to do it anyway that is being resilient, even if it is only for a few hours at a time. It sounds like your mom is really kind. I hope you are doing well, and I will be looking forward to more of your illustrative writings!
ReplyDeletewith love,
ell